Wedding season is at its peak and thankfully marriage and love are not cancelled in 2020. I have been in the waiting season though, when everyone seems to be getting their breakthrough but you. I am sharing 7 ways I have learnt to handle these seasons.
Waiting is HARD! Doesn't matter what people tell you when you're waiting - it's HARD. In fact peoples' cliche and useless advice makes waiting even harder.
So what does waiting look like?
Everyone is getting engaged while you don't see any eligible partners in the picture
Everyone you know is getting married even the ones who you know had a rocky journey
Everyone you know is pregnant, with baby #1, #2 or even #3 and you've been trying for ages.
Even that person who had a very questionable hook up is now expecting from their entaglement
Everyone seems to be facing a breakthrough in their work/career while you can't even get a foot through the door
What makes these seasons hard?
One of the challenging parts of the late 20s early 30s is that you are no longer all going through the same thing with your friends. There is the fact that is that you are constantly being bombarded with unsolicited advice that more often than not fails to acknowledge what you are going through. Folks, especially those older aunties assume that you are in the state you are in in because it's your fault:
You're too picky: you need to lower your standards for the job/husband
You're not trying hard enough - to meet someone, to have baby - like how do you try harder to have a baby
If you stop thinking about it it will just happen
So how do you navigate these seasons?
1. Find your inner peace
Contrary to what most people will tell you, you need to get to a point where you have made your peace with what you are going through. Find a rhema word that will carry you through that season and hold on to it.
A Word that carried me through a wilderness season was and still is:
He who continually goes forth weeping, Bearing seed for sowing shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, brining his sheaves with him. Psalm 126:6 (NKJV)
Keep going forth, keep bearing seed, keep sowing even as you weep because you will doubtless come out of it REJOICING and the harvest will be BIGGER than your tears.
2. Find ONE or TWO people who you can confide in
Preferrably prayerful people who can carry you through the season. These are your arm holders when your hands are tired of being lifted up to heaven. A word of caution though, these people might not be those closest to you such as siblings, mothers, best friends. Sometimes these close family members, although well intentioned, are often blinded by their love for you and concern for your situation and this can drive them into a state of fear and panic that is not helpful especially when their fear is bigger than your faith. This is not to say that you should avoid your accountability partners - you know when you're being sketchy.
3. Be happy for those who have a breakthrough
Listen. It's hard to celebrate with a friend who just had a baby when you just had 3 miscarriages. It's hard to rejoice with the friend who just got engaged when your boyfriend of 5 years just dumped you. How can you be happy for that friend who didnt even want to get pregnant when you have been trying for 5 years. People who graduated after you just landed a permanent job and you're trying to get a $11/hour job in retail and you got rejected for the 3rd time. Not being happy for them doesn't feel any better. In fact you'll probably be battling guilt for being self-centred. Purpose to be genuinely happy for them to guard your heart from bitterness.
4. Pour your heart out to God
Being happy for your friends doesn't wash away the pain that you are feeling. But rather than pour out that pain and/or bitterness or anger at those around you, pour your heart out to God. Hannah poured her heart out when she was in bitterness of soul - she wept and let the Lord know just how much it hurt.
And she was in bitterness of soul and prayed to the lord and wept in anguish (1 Samuel 1:10)
I have found that in these moments only God can fully understand and appreciate what I am going through. So I go to the foot of the cross and let it all out! What I love about God is that you don't have to pretend for Him. He knows exactly what you're feeling and what you're going through: He can handle it. This song right here keeps getting me through season after season of waiting.
A lot of the times we keep telling God how we will praise Him and testify and let everyone know when He has done it. At the same time, I've found myself almost irritated because I am telling God don't you want to do it so I can worship You? And I find myself withholding and postponing worship. Once you have poured your heart to God - worship Him. Thank Him for all the things He did in the past. Count your blessings one by one. Recognize that though you are not where you want to be you certianly are not where you used to be. Worship is powerful, it is transformative. I have to admit, I have worshiped God with selfish gain in mind - motivated only by the hope that the worship will get me what I want. But true worship comes from knowing that no matter what happens, God is enough for You. It's the Shadrack Meshak and Abednego kinda boldness that says if I get out of this bind, I will worship God because He is able, and even if He doesn't get me out, I will still worship Him.
Worship makes you untouchable - the devil can't threaten you with despair, disappointment and discouragement - worship lifts you above this. Worship also takes your focus from the situation and to God - looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith!
6. Take the time limit off God
My pastor preached a powerful message that liberated my husband and I when we were going through an extended wilderness season. One of the things that was most frustrating was the impatience that came with waiting. I can tell you that from the other side of the fence: GOD will do it. When is for Him to know and for you to wait for. Trust God and let Him work in His time - He is never late, He's always on time.
So instead of turning up and down left and right, take the time limit off God. Nothing is too hard for Him. No time is too great nor too little for Him. After you worship Him - release it and let God do it in His own time and in His own way.
7. Own your journey
Now is a good a time as ever to own your journey because once that thing, the thing you have been hoping and praying and fasting for happens, there will be other trials. Hey don't look at me, it's in the bible. This main one is just preparation so you can handle those others better. Once you find the husband, the hunties will be after you for child #1 once baby arrives they will be after you for child #2 and then the house and the car and the second car and so on and so forth. Meanwhile they will not be there to baby sit said babies. They will be the first to remind you how much you've let yourself go meanwhile they are not willing to help you out. Own your path - it wll not look like others' paths and that's ok. The sooner you accept that the better. Adulting is hard, but adulting is also beautiful because YOU get to decide!
So own your decisions like a boss!
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